Lourdes

I've sat down to do this post several times and haven't been able to do it.  Lourdes is the toughest one to write about, she's the one that I lay awake at night wondering how she is and how she will be.  

As I have mentioned several times, when I was there in 2004, I worked in the kitchen with Lourdes and Jenny every day.  I cannot say enough that I spent hours every day there, preparing meals, cleaning and just spending time.  Lourdes was pensive, but quick to laugh.  Playful, emotional.  She was very sensitive but very loving.  She was the "cook" in charge of the kitchen and made food to feed 40 girls three times a day.  She was good at what she did and she was also had a mean aim with a can (aimed at a "raton" - mouse - that had happened to get itself stuck in the bottom of a barrel).  That mouse definitely saw it coming but didn't stand a chance!  As I'm writing all of this, the memories come back in flashes.  I see pictures of my time there.  Making pizza over the fire from a kit that had been sent to me in a care package.  Sharing candy my mom sent.  Hanging out in "la sala" after the kids were in their houses.  Looking at pictures, listening to CD's.  Singing at the top of my lungs.  Being silly to make them laugh.  They're so easy to love, so easily loving.

Lourdes is one of five children.  Two of her sisters are still at the orphanage.  I was able to spend a good while catching up with Doris.

Lourdes left the orphanage in September of last year, and made her way into Tegucigalpa to try to find work.  In Honduras, one third of the people are underemployed and 60% (!) live below the poverty line.  My friend is out there in that job market, trying to make it.  And it scares me for her.  I have been praying for her, trying to figure out a way to help her.  But I am coming up seriously short.  I have had some ideas, but I don't want to do anything that will not help her get on her own two feet, and I am so far away and have such infrequent contact with her, that I cannot make any headway.  Its so frustrating.

I have contacted several ministries in Tegus to see about putting her in touch with them to get help with some job training or finding a job.  All but one of the emails I sent went completely unanswered.  Ignored.  I finally got in touch with someone by phone, and gave Lourdes her email address and I haven't heard whether or not she has contacted them.  The last contact I had with Lourdes she told me that she can't get on the internet very much because it costs money and she was going to have a small job to do but it wasn't much.

I have run the gamut in my mind from trying to fly down there to help her in person (not likely!) to trying to fund a salary for her through one of those ministries there that would give her a job.  I know that for her to be successful long term she has to learn how to really live on her own, including life skills such as budgeting and keeping house, etc.  I have checked out Compassion, but they only help children and pregnant or new mothers.  So, if she were pregnant she could get assistance.  Go figure.

What I do know, and what I keep coming back to, is that my God loves Lourdes far more than I do, and He knows her intimately.  He knows what He is doing in her life, and she is ultimately in His hands.  But I will continue to pray and seek out ways to help her.  Its just that I am so completely limited.  And that is hard.  But, HE is not limited.  And she belongs to Him.

Lourdes met us at the airport on the day we were flying out.  That was a huge blessing, just to be able to hug her and spend a few minutes talking with her.  I have missed my friend.

Please join me in praying for her, that God would regard her situation and look upon her with favor.  I know she is but one of millions of people there trying to make their way in life.  But she is the one I care most deeply for, and she is the one I will pray for.

Jenny

I've already posted some pictures of Jenny in previous posts, so I don't want to over post.  I have some other pictures of her, where she is being silly, but I don't think she'd want me to post them.  :)  During my time at Emmanuel in 2004, I worked in the kitchen with Jenny and Lourdes (my next post will be about her!).  That consisted of setting places and doing dishes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and also helping with dinner prep during the afternoons (translate - spend LOTS of time in the kitchen peeling eggs, chopping stuff, opening cans with machetes, hunting mice, etc.).  Most every afternoon I spent hours with these two girls.  I was very excited to see Jenny, having kept up with her on Facebook for a few years, I was aware that she'd gotten married and had a baby.  I was excited to meet her husband and have our kids play together.  

Jenny has grown into a beautiful woman, both inside and out.  She encouraged me a great deal, speaking openly about having faith and honoring the Lord.  She and her family live on the farm, since her husband is in charge of the pigs that they raise and use for food.  He came to Emmanuel as a missionary and became enamored with my beautiful friend - for good reason!  

The last full morning we were there, Wednesday, I was blessed with the opportunity to have a couple of solid hours with Jenny.  We walked around the orphanage and went to the store for ice cream and soda.  I did not expect to be able to do that, and was exceedingly glad that it worked out.  I have truly missed my friend, remembering with fondness our days together when I was a volunteer.  

My one regret is not doing a better job of keeping in touch during the time I have been away.  Jenny speaks really good English now, and we were able to communicate much more than before.  I'm going to really try to be better at that.  

But that aside, it was great to see Jenny again, to spend time with her, to see with my own eyes her life as it is now.  It was great to see her married to a man that seeks to honor the Lord, to be raising a baby in a family, loving God and seeking to trust Him.  

Suly

As I mentioned before, when I left Emmanuel 8 years ago, Suly was 14.

I remember her as being silly, fun-loving, tender, and very loving.  The kids seem to choose "extranjeras" to attach to when they live at the orphanage.  Probably because mostly the "extranjeras" are able to be affectionate and giving, whereas most other people in their lives are authority figures in one way or another.  Suly attached to me.  I remember when I would be in the volunteer house and she would be in the yard right outside the window yelling for me over and over and over (totally against the rules).  I would sometimes have to ignore her because I was resting, and I needed to take care of myself.

But I remember those times with fondness, and love having the memory of 14 year old Suly yelling my name again and again outside the window.

Every year that Snowbird has returned to the orphanage, she has asked for me, and sent letters home with a friend to give to me.

The first night we were there, someone yelled, "Michelle, Suly's going by!" and she was sitting in the back of a truck riding down the road and I rushed out to wave to her.  I could hear her yelling, "You came back!" and she was literally dancing.  I finally returned.

As I mentioned before, she is now employed by the orphanage and is provided room and board and a small monthly salary.  Not much, but her needs are met and she is warm and fed, which is a lot to say in a country where 60% of the population lives below the poverty line.  She also speaks English quite well, although I wouldn't go so far as to call her fluent.  She made me talk in Spanish to her though, and then laughed at all my mistakes.  I enjoyed speaking to her, because she would correct me so that I say the right thing.  And if I couldn't get it, I could switch to English and she would usually get it.  Between my Spanish and her English, we did a pretty good job of communicating.  

She teaches preschool during the school year, and manages a house of boys ages 7-11 (about 40) year round.  That includes ensuring that they get their two daily Bible studies, are manageable during meals, and are dressed for the day in the morning and showered and dressed for the night in the evening.  She goes home about 5 and helps the baby house shut down for the night and then she is free, but when I went there, the babies were up every night (and from living with babies, I know that "free" doesn't mean "free." 

Olivia and I spent a good deal of time in the yard where her boys were playing.  I went down by myself and spent time with her while Olivia was napping or being cared for by other ladies on the trip.  I also spent about an hour with her at her house after she got "off" work, which is normally not allowed but in some cases you can get permission to do that.  We talked and shared our stories.  She asked me how my life has been since I left the orphanage and I was able to tell her.  She shared with me her story, which I had never heard before (we were always told not to ask the kids to tell us).  She told me of her conversion to Christianity and her baptism.  I was able to encourage her in the Lord.  It was so obvious to me that she strives to please the Lord with her life.  I am so grateful to have had the chance to fellowship with her, and I believe she was encouraged and uplifted. 

We sat together through two church services and she wrote me several notes, a piece of which I will share after I share these photos (with her permission!).

Suly was one of the the three girls I was looking forward to connecting with when I went there.  My time with her, though limited by the presence of Olivia and the limitations we had concerning her, was excellent.  I would call it a resounding success.

Here is an excerpt from one of the letters Suly wrote to me.  I've cleaned up her English to make it flow.

"Thank you Michelle because you are my sweet friend and thank you because you are here again.  God protected you in your home and in your trip.  Thank you for making me happy in this week, its been a good time in Emmanuel.  I love you.  Every day I work with the small boys they are so special to me.  But thank you again...I hope that you come back next year, I pray for that.  I hope everything is fine with God and I pray a lot that you come back next year to see me.  Thank you for spending time with me and thank you for everything."

I'm convinced, through observation and words like Suly's, that it really does matter whether or not people go to places like Orphanage Emmanuel, and not just go once, but multiple times over.  Thank you for your prayers, support, and generous giving that made this all possible. Thank you.

"How was your trip?"

I imagine that is a question I'll be asked a lot over the next several weeks.  Right now, the answer is, "I don't know."  There are so many aspects that I could answer from...I am still processing it all, and will be writing as I do, so I will update when I am able.  For now, suffice it to say that it was very very amazing, and very very difficult.

I am wrestling with some of the difficulties, and at times, insecurity threatens to overwhelm me.  I started to get sick when I got home, on Thursday night/Friday morning and have stayed sick since, so I am physically feeling out of it, and really unable to process the emotions and everything else.  

For now, let's focus on the really really amazing stuff...such as this beautiful woman.

Suly was 14 when I saw her last, and you can see the glimpse of the beautiful woman she will turn out to be.  The same sparkling eyes and bright smile.  She was definitely one of the highlights of my trip.  This girl loves Jesus and strives to serve Him with her life there at the orphanage.  She was brought there at 2 and has never left.  She is now 22 and employed there, with a bed and food provided for her still, in addition to a small monthly salary.  This is the best case scenario for her right now.  In a couple of days, I will share some words she wrote to me (with her permission) stating what it meant for her that I came.  I told her that people had given me money to come and asked if I could share some of what she'd written and she said I could.  I want you to know, from her, how important this trip was.

Then there is this beautiful woman.

We have both married and had kids since we saw each other last.  Jenny married a man that went down there to be a missionary and they live in a house on the farm.  They have a baby named Jacob that is a precious boy.  Another best case scenario.  Olivia and I spent quite a bit of time with her and her family, and the last full day I was there, we spent two solid hours together in the morning and walked around the orphanage and got ice cream at the store.  :)  It was a blessed time to be able to be with my friend again.

When I was there in 2004, I spent almost all of the time I was there working in the kitchen beside her and another woman, Lourdes.

Lourdes met us at the airport.  She left the orphanage 3 months ago and is living in Tegucigalpa trying to get work.  I am afraid for her, what will become of her soon.  She had found a job as a nanny but had to quit and is out in the job "market" again.  Please pray for her.  Tegus has very little opportunity.  

Tomorrow starts the plunge back into life.  I took some baby steps today and did laundry and dishes.  Soon, I will be back in the full swing of things struggling to remember the part of my heart that lives in Central America with clarity.  But I intend to fight for it this time, not let it slide like I did last time.  More on all of that later.  

Making Preparations

I'm making lists.  I'm making lists about what to do before I leave, what to pack for clothes, what to pack for entertainment for me, what to pack for entertainment for Olivia....and apparently I'm making lists about what lists I'm making.  I made a list of things to clean and take care of here at the house before I go and I got partially through that, but luckily I have a husband that knows how to do dishes, and he also likes to make sure things are in order for me when I return from somewhere, so I'm not worried about the house.  At all.  Hear that, honey?  :)  (positive reinforcement works well for him)

I wanted to share some specific prayer requests tonight, because this will be the last post I make before we go.  A friend is keeping the littles (Emma and Rebekah) for me in the morning so that I can get stuff done, and I will likely not find time to do anything but prepare tomorrow.

Olivia is so excited she can hardly stand it.  She is talking about it all the time, parroting information that I've given her.  

I'm a mixture of excitement and apprehension.  Excitement about returning to the place I've missed for 8 years, and the girls I've longed to see, and apprehension about the same, because I know it will be different - but I'm not quite sure I can put my finger on how.  Apprehension about bringing my 5 year old daughter on our first trip - to a third world foreign country for that.  Dread about the LONG travel days.  Our flight leaves at 6am Thursday and when we return we fly in at 11pm on the following Thursday.  Early mornings, late nights with a small child.

I feel awe that I am pioneering the Steinmetz family vision of doing mission trips with our children instead of Disney World. 

I feel pressured and nervous about all the packing.  I'm concerned about something happening to my family while I am gone.  I am comforted by the capable hands we are leaving our girls in during the days when Peter will be busy. I am sad to be missing Olivia's gymnastics show.  So many, many things.

So, with all that in mind, here is my prayer list in no particular order:

Please pray that - 

1 - I will be organized and efficient in packing.
2 - Our travel will be smooth.
3 - My Spanish will be sufficient (its marginal at best).
4 - For emotional energy to parent at the same time that I attempt to minister.
5 - That Olivia and I will convey Gospel truth and love to the children at all times.
6 - That God will be glorified in it all.
7 - That I will have clarity on the two Bible studies that I am required to prepare (all the people are being asked to do this).
8 - The peace of God would guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus throughout the week.

I think that pretty much covers it.  I cannot express enough my gratitude to you for joining us in this adventure.  :)  Next time you hear from me it will be with pictures of the completed trip.  Yikes!

   

Goal MET!!!

Check out that beautiful thermometer!  :)  Over the last couple of days donations have come in that have completely met our goal!  I have been praying, refusing to get worried but choosing to trust God as we came within two weeks of this trip with our goal not met.  And God came through (as He always does!).  

There are some anonymous donors, and I have to assume you are reading this blog...I want to thank you!  God has used your gifts to encourage and strengthen my faith, and will use your gift to encourage and strengthen the faith of the children we are going to minister to, and I am grateful beyond words to your partnership with us in the gospel.  Thank you!

If we get any extra funds, I plan to take the money to Honduras with us and spend it on the kids while we are there, or in the community, such as purchasing from street vendors or from local vendors (there are women who sell corn tortillas from their homes).

Thank you again, to all who have supported us.  The journey is about to begin!

Letting Go (A Special Guest Post!)

Hey ya'll, it's me (Peter) finally,

As you can see, the ladies were hard at work selling the donated yard sale items at the second (and much smaller) sale that was piggy-backed onto one that Michelle's friend was having.  Olivia did good, eating and picking out her favorite items to try and take back home.

I know you know that I'm really excited to see Olivia go on her first mission trip, since I am, sort of..

It was really hard for me to accept that I was not going to be with her out there- way out there.  It's hard for me just to know I wont be with her on her first jet plane take off (which is always my favorite part of any such trip).  There's just something about her little self being buckled into her window seat, chewing her gum and chattering (probably the whole way) about everything she can think of while sitting in the belly of a big aluminum bird that soars her over the cloud tops to a far away land where she will take in all of the sights, sounds and smells of place that just might change her life forever.

There was a fateful day a very long time ago in another far away land that determined the fate of all the world which was all about a father and his boy.  It seems to be the story that parents like to use as the ultimate example of trusting God, since perhaps it is.  We like to show our kids that God never intended to let Abraham sacrifice Isaac- He was both testing Abraham and validating his faith in God, since he supposed in his heart that God could raise him from the dead.  "See kids, we need to trust God with everything, even if it means..."

"Follow me."  This is not just a command from the King, it's an invitation to be led by the Shepherd.  Obeying God can be easy after a while- you stay away from the harmful 'don'ts' while pursuing the joyful 'do's', but trusting God is a whole 'nother way of life.  Obeying God has visible boundaries while trusting God is boundless, and that can make us really suck in our breath.  So the question is, have we really given everything and everyone in our lives over to the absolute Lordship of our Savior to do whatever HE wishes, while trusting in His goodness as we remember that all of creation was made for the purpose of His death on our behalf through the cross?

Now I'm getting excited again.  Jesus knows what it's like to have sadness from separation infinitely more than I ever will but He still understands what I struggled with.  But He is also well pleased to see His Spirit at work in me to remove any bitterness or disappointment and I follow His plan for my family, which is really, and always, His family that I have been entrusted with.

So after all of our prayers for the last bit of money and of safety for the trip are finished and that bird lifts off and the wheels tuck themselves into that belly where two of the people that I love the most in the world are buckled in and chewing gum, I know that it's not my will, but  in His will, that I will eventually have the most joy. 

For His glory and name to all the nations!